I am pretty stupid I must admit it. I was fairly sure we would not get pregnant this quickly after my little daughter was born, but I was super wrong.
I lamely tried the rhythm method, but my white girl genes must have really gotten in the way this time cause I was definitely off-beat. Now I have to hit up the blood lab at my OBGYN tomorrow to determine if I'm 5 or closer to 8 weeks preggo. The story is that my last period was super short and light so we're not 100 percent sure. I did only just stop breastfeeding a few months ago so anything is possible really.
I want to feel excited and happy but it hasn't hit me yet. Right now I just feel incredibly guilty that my little girl will not be the one and only center of my attention in just about eight months. I also feel like I'm not ready to relive the horror that was the first four or so months and the sleeplessness and bleeding nipples that go along with it all. I was JUST starting to feel like a normal person with a bit of a routine going on and now this is totally going to mess it up. Ay yah yai!
I know it's a blessing and whatever but sorry if I don't get overjoyed at the idea of nausea, exhaustion, food aversions, and pissiness all while trying to care for, be patient with, and give my full attention to an infant. Doesn't anybody out there get that? Yes, I will totally be in love with the baby and I will channel all my good will towards it in a few days but for now I am mad at myself, sad for my little daughter and mad at my husband's swimmers.
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